Monday, January 26, 2009
I want to binge!
I'm having a really hard time! I really want to binge. I feel so compulsive. I want to go out and get a huge bag of M&Ms. I know my desire to binge was triggered by a bad day at work. I'm just so unhappy and feel powerless to change things. So I'm feeling out of control. Yet, I know if I pick up it could set me back months. I don't have the ability to eat candy tonight and then start over tomorrow. I'm similar to a drug addict. Once I pick up, I won't be satisfied to just have that treat and go right back to my diet. I will need to eat all the things I have been missing the last three weeks. Oh God! Help me to just stay put tonight. There is nothing in the apratment to binge on so as long as I don't go out I'll be okay. I was even thinking I could binge tonight and tomorrow, and get back on track on Wednesday as there is going to be a bad storm so I am likely to be stuck inside. I can do whatever it takes that day to get back on track and only lose a day! The problem with that is I won't be willing Wednesday to do whatever it takes!!! I just need to surrender to this feeling. Just because I feel like binging doesn't mean I have to binge. I'd like to just go to bed but it is only 6:15 and I still have work to do to be prepared for tomorrow. I'll let you know tomorrow if I made it through the night.