Tuesday, January 13, 2009
I'm having a really hard time, but not craving sugar or even wanting to overeat. I'm just really down. If I pick up it will be because I want to feel better, not because I'm craving sweets. A lot of my overeating has been a way to self-medicate. Eating sweets does make me feel better, even if only temporarily. I've struggled with depression most of my life. Therefore I know feeling this bad will pass but when I'm in it it feels hopeless. It feels like nothing is ever going to change. It feels like I will always be in debt, in a job where I feel frustrated and unfulfilled, and fat and alone. It doesn't help watching all these award shows this time of year. My life in comparison is pathetic and sad. I'm going to log off and curl up and cry. I need to cry...to feel bad about how hard life is especially without sugar to numb my pain.