Monday, January 19, 2009

Day 15th

I'm home for MLK day, watching all the media on the inauguration of Barrack Obama. I planned on working on his campaign and going to see him. Then I hoped to go to the inauguration. None of that happened. I did make some phone calls and donated money, but I made excuses for not doing more. Telling myself, "I'm in Connecticut which will go to Obama regardless if I do any campaigning here." So the last few days, rather than being excited and feeling a part of it, it is another example of how I plan and then sit on my ass and eat or exercise and diet waiting for my life to start. There is even a party locally I could go to but I don't want to go alone, and since I've made very little effort to make friends since I moved here two years ago, I have no one to go with. I'm hoping to make this moment a new beginning for me. A reminder of what I miss when I sit on the side line waiting to lose weight before I join in! So today I am seeing myself very clearly and am sad by what I see. It is not just the weight. It is the shame that causes me to hide myself away.

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