Friday, January 16, 2009

It's not about the weight loss

Since last time I blogged, I have had some tough moments but I am still abstienent by the grace of God. I was sure today I was going to binge. The only thing that probably saved me is I had a dentist appointment and now half my face is numb. The problem is I weighed myself this morning and actually gained 3/10's of a pound. When it becomes just about the weight, I think why bother not binging if I'm not going to lose weight. After years of dieting and binging, now I know the answer to that. One reason is I know if I pick up there is no telling when I will get back on a diet. Another reason is when I am binging I don't stay at the same weight, I gain. So my choice is stay the same weight or gain! Third, it is not just about the weight. When I binge, I spend a lot of money on food. My food addiction and credit card debt go hand in hand. In my twenties, I was taking out $200.00 cash advances on my credit card to binge. Now if I binge, I spend so much money on food that I start charging again. (And I still have a lot of credit card debt I'm trying to pay off so I don't want to add to it) Also I know if I don't do this NOTHING will change, and I want things to get better. I'm sitting here right now thinking I will do this or that once I get thin. My life has been all about postponing my life until I get thin. Sometimes I end up binging so I CAN avoid living! Today I want to do better.

Over the last few years, it has become harder for me to lose weight. I use to be able to drop 15 lbs. the first month and then 10 lbs. each month thereafter. Now I don't even lose 2 lbs. a week. I'm reading a book right now that says that if your liver is overworked you will have trouble losing weight. I had my gallbladder removed four years ago and I've been told I have a fatty liver. So I am going to try some of the suggestions in this book. I'll let you know how it goes.

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