Weekend of Celebration

I went to Maryland for my parents' 50th wedding anniversary. We had a luncheon after they renewed their wedding vows. I made a lot of bad food choices this weekend!! I've also had the worst diarrhea. I don't know if it is one of the supplements I am taking or what I ate or if I have a bug. It is so much easier to eat well when I am home. When I am out to eat--I'm eating for entertainment and it is a special occasion so I am treating myself. But often that exception becomes the rule and before long I am eating treats all the time!! I had a great time this weekend and loved seeing everyone. I definitely feel the best I have in years in terms of my moods. I know the amino acids are helping. I know right now if I don't start exercising again and get right back into eating right--I will be binging again. I stayed at school Friday until 7 P.M. so I could take Monday off. I waited so long to eat that I got fast food Friday night. That was the first of many bad choices this weekend. The worst is--today there are so many healthy choices but I want to eat what I want to eat!!! After Oprah, I'm going to the grocery store to get healthy food for this week. I'm going to get some bananas as I believe they are suppose to help diarrhea. I am thankful that I did not eat any anniversary cake or get into candy because then there is no telling what I would be eating now! Sunday, I ate some pancake roll-ups with blueberries, syrup and butter, bacon and home fries. I went back for seconds and wanted to go back for thirds but wanted to the desire passed. I think the amino acids helped!!! I didn't become totally obessessed with eating more. I'm hoping that this is the start of an abstienence that doesn't result in slips sending me into full blown binges where I gain all my weight back.

PMS

I started feeling down today, and then I started to get a headache. I realized I might be 2 weeks into my cycle because that is when I seem to get a kind of PMS. I just get depressed and don't want to do anything. At least, I'm not having sweet cravings. I think I'm just going to go to bed early. I'm getting my hormones tested again. I've been taking a compound of estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone. I rub it on the inside of my arm. I think it has really helped in my moods, but I think I need more, so I am getting another blood test. My food has been good and I've been steadily losing weight. I did exercise both Sunday & Monday. Two things I have to work on this week are: exercising during the week and being consistent with discipline in class. Even though I am not looking forward to getting up early tomorrow, I am glad I'm busy because otherwise I think I would be obessessing about my weight especially because I am still over 75 lbs. overweight. I've lost 25 lbs. which is great, but I still have a long way to go and that is hard. I end up focusing on how much I still have to lose rather than how much I've lost. It is great that I have more clothes I can fit into, and I have a choice about what to wear!! I just have to do this-one day at a time! No matter what!!!!

Unbalanced

I'm having a hard time! I'm getting to work at 6:30 and not leaving to 5:00. Then when I get home after I eat, I prepare for the next day. I'm hoping that this is just because I have to set up so much at the beginning of the year. I'm glad to have a three day weekend. I'm feeling stressed!!!! I also know that if I continue to do nothing but work--I will end up binging again out of frustration. I have a couple classes where the behavior is going to be challenging and I already am not being strict enough. I'm making the same mistakes I say every year I will change. I need to start praying about it. I also learned I am not getting paid until next Wednesday. Thank God my rent isn't taken out before then or I wouldn't have the money. I need to stay in the present and slow down. Breathe!

One Day at a Time

I had a migraine today. Whenever I don't feel well, my first thought is to eat! "Eat, you will feel better." But when I think of eating to feel better-I'm thinking chocolate, ice cream, cookies, not chicken soup! I came home and justed wanted to go to bed. But I made myself a good dinner and now I feel better. Work is crazy-they changed the classes I would be teaching the day before the students are returning. However, it reduced my preparation from 4 to 3. I just really have to do the next right thing when it comes to my food. I didn't know they weren't serving lunch today so I was caught unprepared. My first thought was going to a fast food drive-thru. But I made the next right decision and went to Subway. If I just take one food decision at a time--and make the right decision, it makes it easier the next time. When I am binging, there is this incredible momentum that is hard to stop and reverse. Similarly, when I am disciplined, there is a momentum that makes it easier for me to be disciplined in other areas like my spending. When I am binging, I also overspend and not just on food. As a result, I have a lot of credit card debt.