Thursday, July 9, 2009

Starting Again

I can't believe my last blog was January!!! Think how thin I would be if I hadn't blown it. That wasn't the last time I was eating right. I had several false starts. Each time though I gained back all the weight I had lost before being willing to begin again. It is hard to give up my binge foods especially sugar-candy, ice cream, chocolate, cup cakes. So I'm not willing to do it until I'm in alot of pain. This last time I hit a new high 220 lbs. Now I'm on my 13th day, and I am even going to the gym! Of course, I joined in January and the first time I went was June. I pray that this is it. I have been losing and gaining anywhere from 30-40 lbs. the last three years. As a teacher, I take advantage of the time off over the summer to make my abstience a priority. Unfortunately, once school starts, I get so busy and stressed out I return to binging! Also my slow weight loss can be a trigger. For instance, today I weighed myself and I haven't lost any weight this week even though I have been dieting and exercising 1-2 hours a day!! So I think-why am I doing this if I'm not losing weight? I forget the fact that I feel better when I eat right. I am less depressed and hopeless. I save a lot of money as when I start binging I need to use credit cards to pay monthly expenses because I can't afford to binge & eat every meal out. It can't be about the weight!! Grant it, it is definitely harder to lose weight in your late 40's. When I was younger I could drop 15 lbs. in the first month. I need to see it from the glass half full! At least I am not gaining weight because for me, if I am not losing, I am gaining. For today, I am grateful to be abstaining from sugar and my binge foods. Praise God!

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