Tuesday, July 14, 2009
I only have one skort and no shorts that fit me right now. Yet I have a walk in closet packed with clothes. Last year, I orgnaized them from size 22 to size 8, putting all the clothes together for each size. Some of these clothes I haven't worn in over eight years! I don't know why I hang onto them except that I can't afford to buy a whole new wardrope as I lose weight. Of course, I have the largest wardrope in the smallest sizes as I hate to shop when I am heavy. Plus, I always see being overweight as a temporary condition because I am always trying to lose weight. The ironic part is that being thin is the temporary condition!! I have been heavy much longer than I've been thin. In college, I weighed between 105-135, and I was just as out of control with food but I could white knuckle diet enough that I lost the weight 10 or 15 lbs. pretty quickly after gaining it. Now I'm carrying over 100 extra pounds. You can't just take that off in a couple weeks or months! When I was in my 20's, I thought I would never let myself get so fat!! But I didn't go from 120 lbs. to 220 lbs in a year. Each time I lost the weight, I would gain 5-10 lbs. more. Over 30 years that adds up. Lately, I've been losing weight but my lowest weight has been 170 lbs. in the last five years, and that only lasted about a month before I started gaining it back. The thinnest I have been since college is 115 lbs. when I was forty!! Eight years ago. I haven't been this heavy in the summer. I reached a new high so I need to buy some summer clothes in the bigger size. I don't want to buy a lot because I'm hoping to keep losing and therefore I hope not to be this heavy for much longer. I could be buying clothes I can only wear for another 3-4 weeks. That is what I say, but I'm thankful I haven't been giving away the big clothes because I seem to need them again. The idea that if I didn't keep those clothes I wouldn't gain the weight back doesn't work for me. If it did, I wouldn't keep hitting new highs and outgrowing my old clothes! Tomorrow I'm going to buy one or two new skorts to wear until I'm in a size 18W as I have a lot in that size. God, if only this time the weight loss will stick!